These Wounds Won't Seem to Heal
by Tobias' Heart
Summary: "You can do anything you set your mind to. That's a saying from one of my best friends but, what if something hurts you so bad you just can't move on? What then? You here your friends say, "oh just move on, forgive and forget!" OOC, AU, AH, for you Faith


**This is dedicated for a friend named Faith, she wanted me to write this story so maybe it can help other girls, so here it Faith as I promised, your experience written and edited. Hope you like it.**

**And readers, this is based on a true story, just edited to fit into twilight. Enjoy it!**

I'm finishing packing, I can't believe it had passed 3 years and I still think of him. But he's just the greatest boy I've ever met. I know that since it was 3 years ago I should have already forgotten about him, but I'm not over him…yet. I know that is useless to continue thinking about him, but my heart and mind always remind me how we used to talk and walk hand in hand, all those beautiful moments. They were magical. I know that it was only a brief time but for me it lasted longer but at the same time it was a short time, every moment I had with him was unforgettable. I don't have any idea if he still thinks about me. I moved from Georgia to Florida. But I still remember him…

"Faith, hurry you're gonna miss the plane" my mom says.

"I know mom…"

I walk down the stairs and tripped, this is normal for me because I'm a real mess. In fact Jacob made my life a mess. Then why did the world pick me to mess up? Why not someone already messed up?

In the way to GA I was thinking about if Jacob's dad was still friends with mine. My dad's in GA, no…my parents aren't divorced he's just selling the house. Also I could talk to his dad but talking to his dad would mean seeing his mom, and having the door in my face.

One day after school. I was in my room lying on my bed thinking why me? Why did you do this to me Jacob? I was thinking all I have to do is pick up my phone and dial his number. So that's what I did. 1 Ring, 2 rings then a third then someone said "Hello?" I knew it was Jacob. I was going to say something but then I just hung up and started to cry. WHY AM I SUCH AN IDOT! I MISSED THE BIGGEST CHANCE OF MY LIFE! GOD! Why, why did I do that? CAN ANY ONE TELL ME!

Then why didn't I say something? It's just I haven't talk to him on about 7 or 6 months. Then I call, and he JACOB BLACK picks up the phone, and I don't say anything! I am sooo dumb. So you saying I shouldn't tell him that I still love him yet? I mean I know, but what if like, I just say it by accident then he hangs up?

Well it's not fair! I miss him sooo badly. I heard his voice for the first time in about a year. The word I heard "Hello?" And I didn't have the strength to say something back! I AM AN IDOT! His mom doesn't like me; I guess cause of what happened maybe she's not over it

I and Jacob are kinda friends but it's been so different ever since the…

Yes, his dad got over it, which I am happy about, and when I arrive to GA I will try my very hardest to go to Jacob's house and try to talk to him without his parents spying on us. Because they still don't trust us together anymore and I don't think that will ever change.

I want to call again I want to hear his voice, but again I am scared cause what if we don't talk about anything or what if I tell him I still love him. MAN, I AM THE DUMBEST PERSON EVER! I didn't say one thing to the only person I love besides my family. What is wrong with me?

I remember the last time I saw him was before I moved. It was at my neighborhood party for Halloween; it was after everything had happened.

_I go with some of my friends 'because I have nothing to do. I was going to babysit my little neighbor. _

_I'm hoping SOOO badly Jacob would be there but it isn't very likely. So I get there and I see Jacob's little brother. _

"_Where is your brother?" I ask Seth._

"_Oh, he didn't want to come." He said_

_So I brush it off. Has he's just being Jacob doesn't feel like coming? So what!_

_It's like an hour later and I am pushing my 3 year old neighbor, Claire, who I'm babysitting, to the tire swing and so she is laughing have fun all that._

_On the other hand I am not paying any attention to what is like around me or whatever. _

_So then five minutes later I feel someone coming up to me. I look to my side and there he is... _

_Jacob is standing right there, pushing the swing with me. I notice Jacob isn't wearing any shoes. The first thing out of my mouth is:_

_"Where are your shoes?"_

_"I didn't want to wear them" is the first thing he said. _

_So I stop pushing the swing, he stops. Then we go to talk, and that whole time we laughing and have fun. _

_So that whole time I was following him around, like a lost puppy and we were just having a good time._

_Then his dad wouldn't leave us alone! He started watching us._

_Then he just goes and gets a piece of pizza and I am sitting there on the swing thinking. "OH MY GOD! He actually came. I wonder why?" _

_When he comes back I don't see him, I wasn't expecting that he was actually going to come back._

_He puts his pizza on the fence, runs to me pick me up spins me around. _

_"I love you" he whispers into my ear. _

_I don't know what to do next so I decide to do nothing. I let his embrace, just hold me there. I feel like I'm floating on a cloud…_

When he said it, I almost jumped out of my skin.

I just couldn't say it back, why? I don't know. I mean "I love you" and Jacob Black was the one that said it, I really didn't know I could believe it.

In your mind though you know that's not the case. You know it's harder and you know it might never be possible yet you don't know anything unless you try right? That's another thing "try" that might just be a word to some people but it could mean a lot to others. Taking the first step and the last one will always be the hardest I have been told. Only if I had the guts to do that, only if I could take that first step "try" that all you have to do trying though, is much harder than that it means leaving your past behind forgetting with happened and becoming "normal" as my friend puts it. Trying is the first step but never the last; it might get you somewhere it might not. My friends tell me, "You must try to move on. You can't keep living like this." The only thing is that they don't know how it feels to be hurts by someone you thought cared about you that much then just brings you to the ground. It sucks to have to take the first step and when it's your turn you will know it but will it ever be mine? Will this ever end? The person you love might not love you back but if you love them why would you give up? Would you still keep hope that someday you might be together or would you just forgive and forget like your friends want you too? A message to all those friends or supports is this: You don't choose who you love, your heart chooses for you. So if they understand that then they will help you thought this like they have been or if they don't they will walk way. You don't choose who you love, your heart chooses for you. So am I wrong?

The reason that I'm going to Georgia is to celebrate my 13th birthday. I'm going there for the weekend, maybe I could get to talk to him… my other friends said that that would make things more difficult to forget, but others said that we could be friends again. Maybe he's forgotten about me, so I have to know. I honestly don't know why I still think of him, maybe it was his charming smile and those gorgeous eyes, I don't know.

We didn't break up, well we did.

_It started when Mike was over at my house then we went outside_

_"I know something you don't!" I tell Mike._

"_What is it?" he looks at me confused._

"_I can't tell you"_

_I knew I didn't have to tell him because one friend said that he would tell Billy— Jacob's dad._

_But five seconds later I tell Mike that Jake and I were dating and that we have kissed the next day._

_When Billy Black was outside, Mike walked over and said:_

"_Mr. Black, Faith and Jake are dating and they have kissed."_

_I couldn't believe that I'd just trusted Mike one of my most important secrets and he swore that he wouldn't tell Jacob's dad, and 5 seconds later he tells Billy. I can't help but grabbing Mike's by the neck of his shirt and pushing him down the hill and he crashed into a thorns bush. He deserved that…_

_Then Billy goes to get Jacob and I see them talking. Billy is really mad, and he pushed Jacob towards my house's way._

_Jake knocks at my door and he asks me if we can talk somewhere else._

_I say that it's okay, and he takes me to where we first kiss._

_We were standing there on the corner, his dad watching are every move_

"_What's the matter Jake" I asked him, worried about what his going to tell me._

"_We can't be together anymore." He says_

"_But… why? Why are you doing this to me?" _

_I can't believe this is actually happening… He said we would be together, he…._

"_I did this to protect you Faith." Jacob says while he takes my hands in his strong and warm ones._

_"What? Lie to me?" I still cannot believe it!_

_"Yes." Jake says and sighs._

_I can't believe it; I feel tears rolling down my cheeks._

"_Hey, don't cry, listen to me. There might not be a now, but there is always a forever."_

_I am sobbing uncontrollably._

"_No, you don't get it do you? You lied to me! You know how much this hurts me? It's worse than anything in the world! You could have easily said 'No I don't like you', but, you didn't! You lied to me, the one guy I trusted with all my heart! Why?" _

_"Cause I am a good person, and I didn't want to hurt you."_

"_You just said you didn't want to hurt me. So why would you lie to me?" I yell at him._

_"Cause, I just had to."_

_He gave me a hug then walked away. _

_He watched me all the way till he closed his door. _

We never talked again till the night at the Halloween party when he told me he loved me...

That's about when I started to lose it and here I am today, crazy annoying messed girl.

If you are wondering why his parents hate me so much, it's because I was dating his beloved son at the age of 11. I wouldn't like too much if my son would be kissing and dating someone when they're just kids.

I mean after what he did to me. I know it wasn't him that broke us up well it kinda was. He told me he lied about EVERYTHING! So that means he lied about the kiss, liking me, and everything else that follows. And when he said it I didn't know what to do.

See the thing is. Why would he say that, if he didn't still love me? But did he really mean it? That is what is in my head now.

That was it, but it was a while ago, and I don't think it meant something to him but he still said it. That's why I can't call him right now.

My mother leaves me at the airport, she kisses me goodbye and she goes. The plane is about to go. I board the plane and search for my seat. I sit down and turn on my iPod. I close my eyes trying to fall asleep, but I can't. The next song on my playlist is "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton:

_Making my way downtown__  
><em>_Walking fast__  
><em>_Faces passed__  
><em>_And I'm home bound___

_Staring blankly ahead__  
><em>_Just making my way__  
><em>_Making my way__  
><em>_Through the crowd___

_And I need you__  
><em>_And I miss you__  
><em>_And now I wonder...___

_If I could fall__  
><em>_Into the sky__  
><em>_Do you think time__  
><em>_Would pass me by__  
><em>_'Cause you know I'd walk__  
><em>_A thousand miles__  
><em>_If I could__  
><em>_Just see you__  
><em>_Tonight___

_It's always times like these__  
><em>_When I think of you__  
><em>_And I wonder__  
><em>_If you ever__  
><em>_Think of me___

_'Cause everything's so wrong__  
><em>_And I don't belong__  
><em>_Living in your__  
><em>_Precious memories___

_'Cause I need you__  
><em>_And I miss you__  
><em>_And now I wonder...___

_If I could fall__  
><em>_Into the sky__  
><em>_Do you think time__  
><em>_Would pass me by__  
><em>_'Cause you know I'd walk__  
><em>_A thousand miles__  
><em>_If I could__  
><em>_Just see you__  
><em>_Tonight___

_And I, I__  
><em>_Don't want to let you know__  
><em>_I, I__  
><em>_Drown in your memory__  
><em>_I, I__  
><em>_Don't want to let this go__  
><em>_I, I__  
><em>_Don't...___

I turn off the iPod, I can't take this anymore. The song is practically telling my whole situation.

I can't wait to arrive to Georgia because I really need to see my best friend Leah Clearwater face to face. Unlike as my mother, she knows every bit and every piece of my whole life. My mom only knows that Jacob and I liked each other, and that's what she'll ever know.

Leah says that nothing is wrong with me. That in a couple of weeks I will get over him. But if nothing is wrong with me then why won't I call him? I mean is it really that hard to dial a dumb phone number?

I know I love him but does he love me back?

I should call him and I WILL I just don't know when. I have to fix it and that's why I am spending my whole weekend down in GA trying to fix this no matter what it takes.

I have a fear of calling him but I know I could still love him. I want to be friends, but I kinda think that getting back together won't ever be possible. 

I just need to find a loose end to this knot but it just keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger…

Finally, the plane arrived to Georgia.

My dad said that he'll be waiting for me at the arrival's lounge.

I search for him, but I don't see anyone. But when I look at my right, and from the distance, there _he _is. Jacob Black. I can´t breathe. I can't think. Why I just arrive and there _he _has to be to ruin my birthday weekend. But well, I promised to myself that I was going to talk to him face to face no matter what. And the _he _is, just a couple of feet away, and I can't even move.

"FAITH! Dear!" Someone calls me, my dad.

I exhale; I didn't notice that I've been holding my breath. I turn around and there he is, with the big smile on his face. My dad.

"Oh, I missed a lot kid." He hugs me and he carries my suitcases for me.

"Uhm, Dad. I'm not a kid anymore, in two days I turn 13."

"But you'll always be my little girl." He sighs and then he looks at me again, "Whatever, well Faith what were you staring at a few minutes ago."

"What do you mean?"

I can't tell my dad, that Jacob is in the same airport.

"When I was coming towards you, I noticed that you were staring at something. What was it?"

I look where I saw Jake a couple of minutes ago, but he's not there anymore…

Now I see him in every place. He messed me up.

"Oh, I thought I saw someone I know. But it seems that he's not…"

"Okay, so should we go home?"

"Sure dad."

When I arrive to my old house, my father leaves me alone in my room so I can unpack.

When I'm done, I tell goodnight to my dad. I change my clothes and lay down on my bed. I really need just to think.

The hours pass. I think I know what I'm going to do.

So I made the choice that tomorrow, sometime around 4 I will call him but I don't know what I'm going to say or how to say it.

I want to talk to him, but I am so scared that his mom or someone else will answer, or that I will have to leave a message, or that I will say something wrong and he might tell his mom or something like that.

I really want to talk to him face to face, but I have to begin with the smallest things; first talk to him by phone and next I'll go to see him.

The next day—Saturday the 28th— I woke up. I had a really bad sleep. I didn't sleep at all…

I hear someone knocking at my door, my dad.

"Uhm, Faith change your clothes were going to CC's pizza"

"Ok, are we going to do something next, I want to talk with Leah"

It's okay that my dad wants to go to eat pizza, but I really want (need) to talk to Leah.

"We are only going out for pizza that's it."

"Okay, just give me a minute"

We are in the car, and my dad turns on the radio.

I just close my eyes and listen to the soft lyrics of the song.

_I waited for you today  
>But you didn't show<br>No no no  
>I needed You today<br>So where did You go?  
>You told me to call<br>Said You'd be there  
>And though I haven't seen You<br>Are You still there?_

_I cried out with no reply  
>And I can't feel You by my side<br>So I'll hold tight to what I know  
>You're here and I'm never alone<em>

_And though I cannot see You  
>And I can't explain why<br>Such a deep, deep reassurance  
>You've placed in my life<em>

_We cannot separate  
>'Cause You're part of me<br>And though You're invisible  
>I'll trust the unseen<em>

_I cried out with no reply  
>And I can't feel You by my side<br>So I'll hold tight to what I know  
>You're here and I'm never alone<em>

_We cannot separate  
>You're part of me<br>And though You're invisible  
>I'll trust the unseen<em>

_I cried out with no reply  
>And I can't feel You by my side<br>So I'll hold tight to what I know  
>You're here and I'm never alone<em>

I always think I was alone. Everything that has happened to me, I thought no one knew what it felt like, no one knows how much it hurts. Let me just say this: It hurts like heck. Maybe I was wrong? Maybe there is... Someone I would never talk to. Someone who has always been there for me, but I over looked that person. All I am trying to say is I still feel alone and I don't think that it will ever change.

Songs, have something with me recently. It seems like they play according to my life, maybe I'm just crazy.

We arrived to CC's Pizza and we park, there were many cars parked. That's weird.

When I came in I just saw a bunch of my friends: Emily, Mrs. Clearwater, Embry, Benjamin, Tanya, they were staring at us— or maybe just at me.

And then I look at other part of the room and I see all of my friends a standing there.

"Oh my God!" I just say so loud.

I see my mother is there too. Why didn't she come with me in the airplane? Oh, of course, it was a surprise party.

I run over and hug each one of them, it feels like forever but I don't want to let go.

After I got over the shock, we sit down and eat pizza. We take so many pictures and take a lot.

We ate birthday cake and they gave me a bunch of presents, but I want to open them later. We chat a lot. I talked with my last year Math teacher. Sue Clearwater, we are really good friends.

I was so happy 'till my mom tells me who else will show up later… Jacob Black.

Leah, my best friend walks towards me; I think she saw my face expression when my mother mentioned him.

"Faith we need to talk" she tells me

"Leah, you said that if I stop talking about Jacob I would eventually forget him, but this isn't working"

"It works with normal people, but you are not normal!"

"Leah, you know I love you like a sister, we have been friends for so long and I trust you with all my heart. I've been through so much down in my life and you are always there. You are my shoulder to cry on, and I've cried on your shoulder many times, all because of Jacob. I'm sorry for screaming at you when I was afraid that you were— and are— right about him. I'm so sorry for spending all those nights at you house when I would lay there on your bed in tears. You always listened to me— and you still do. Thanks for being someone I know I can always rely on.

"You don't have anything to thank me for. You know that I also love you like a sister."

"I don't have any idea what would I have done if I don't have someone like you to tell my problems and helping me to solve them" I tell her, I know that everything I've just told her was nothing more but the truth.

"Faith, you are such a mess, but you are my messed-up friend."

Then I hug her, because she's been always there for me, she is— and will ever be— my best friend.

I didn't notice it before but tears were rolling down my cheeks. Leah smiles at me and I see that she's been crying too.

We wipe our tears and we enter back to the party.

I don't know where to go from here. It's killing me not to know what he really thinks, but I just I don't know if I can really face him. But if I love him I guess I should, it's just that he hurt me so badly. Am I really going to be like this FOREVER?

The rest of the party I was like dying because I really need to know if he is coming or not.

Leah looked at me once in a while; she knew what I was thinking.

I wasn't even enjoying the party anymore…

Some hours pass and food was almost gone, everybody was dancing and talking, everyone except me…

I sigh; if he was going to came, I'd better enjoy the time's left.

"Faith, see who just arrived" my mom tells.

Oh God, I think I'm going to faint. I can't believe that _he_ is here.

When I look where my mom is, greeting someone, I freeze. It isn't him…

"Oh Faith, you're a teen now!" Emmet, Jacob's friend says.

"Where… where's…" it's all I can say.

"Jake?" he guesses with a grin, I nod "He couldn't came Faithy, sorry. He was training for the football game on Friday"

I sigh in relief, I really wanted to talk to him, but right now it wasn't the moment for me to face him.

The rest of the party goes fast.

The next thing I know is that I'm saying "goodbye's" and "thanks you's" to every friend.

My dad and my mom asked me if I liked the party, if it was really a surprise, if I was happy to see all my friend, etc…

I just answer really vague words and I really don't pay attention to them. They didn't seem to notice, or if they did, they didn't care or decided to leave me alone.

When we arrive home I go directly to my room, change my clothes and tuck myself in.

When I am about to close my eyes, I just realize that I didn't call Jacob as I was supposed to do, I forgot about it. Well I didn't have time to think about it. I was at the party. Damn, so now, tomorrow I have to do something to talk to him and fix things.

This day was really tiring. I wish I could just close my eyes and hopefully falling into a dreamless sleep.

_All the people that are still around me know that this happened and that really wasn't my fault and they stood by me. _

_Of all the friends that are there I immediately recognize someone._

_Jacob Black._

"_But you Jacob, I don't know where we stand" I just spit him out. I don't know when I started to walk towards him, but now I'm face to face with him. "When I see you, I will always light up like a Christmas tree but I don't know if being together will ever happen again. I guess everything was for the best, but I can't get over the way you embrace me on the night before Halloween," he should be thinking that I'm an obsessed girl, but I continue " and told me you loved me but was that a lie too? Can I trust you again? I DONT KNOW? Jacob one thing is true that I cannot ever forget what you did to me." I begin to cry as the words are trying to go through my throat. "Lying to me to make your parents happy? What about me? Well I guess I don't matter to you. Cause if I did none of this would have happened, don't you think?"_

_He just keeps his too-relax-face and turns around giving me his back, and walks away. I try to reach him but my legs begin to tremble and I fall down. _

_I scream his name, and sob uncontrollably, my shoulders are shaking and then everything goes black…_

I wake up, with my hair all over my face and covered in sweat and tears. I'm sobbing, and I try to calm down, I don't want my parents to come over because of the noise. So I take a deep breath, and walk off the bed, towards the bathroom. I wash my face and look straight into my swollen eyes.

I've finally made a decision. I have to talk to him today. Or at least if I can't face him, I'll give him a letter.

I sit down on my desk, and take out a notebook page and a pen, and I being writing.

After half an hour later I think I'm done.

I take a quick bath and head down to the kitchen.

My parents were there drinking coffee and talking.

"Morning Faith" My dad says to me.

"Morning dad, morning mom" I greeted them.

I take an apple from the counter, and head towards the door.

"Where are you going darling?" Mom asks.

"Just going to say bye to Leah"

"Ah, okay, but don't take too long, remember that the plane's leaving at 1 pm. We have to be at the airport at 11 am." She reminds me

"Yeah, I know, I won't take too long, I promise"

I put on a coat and walk to where Jacob lives.

His house is crossing the street. I sigh as I'm already in front of it.

I want to talk to him, but I don't see either Billy's car or Jake's bike.

I read for last time the letter I've written to him.

Dear Jacob,

You broke me. I can't fix this and you can't also. What you did to me was unfair and unforgiving. Jacob you know what's right and what's wrong, so why did you screw up my life? Just to make your parents happy? I know that if you really had loved me you'd ignored your parents' opinion, but you didn't.

My life was just fine until that day when I got my heart broken for the first time in my life. I was only 12 years old and it wasn't even fair. I never did anything wrong. I tried to do anything in my power to fix this but nothing works.

I don't think you know how much you hurt me that day. When you said you lied about everything, and just did all this so you wouldn't hurt me. The question is, why? We were best friends before this and now it's down the drain. Why? Jacob why would you go and make something worse when it was just fine? I know you're going to say 'No, it was you and Mike'. No, it wasn't! I told Mike because I thought he could keep something to himself, but I get it now I was wrong. When he told your dad, you did nothing to stop it, nothing at all. And in the mean time I ended up pushing Mike down the hill. After that everything was never the same. You become distant and unforgiving. You told me you loved me that one night, but did you really mean it? Jacob I love you, that won't change but what you did to me should be something you're happy about, or something you forget. You broke me into a million pieces. And I can never forgive you for that. You kissed me, and then lied. You told me you loved me one the day before Halloween, but can I really believe that? After all you did? Everything is so messed up—like me— and it's not because of me, it's YOU! You made me into someone I don't want to be, but I can't change that now. I have already lost everyone I loved over this: my best friend, you, my family's trust and yours in us together. Everything that could have happened to me did. I am not saying that I can forgive even though it's been a long time but it doesn't mean I don't have feelings for you. 

I will always love you,

Faith

I close the letter after reading it, and put it inside his mailbox. I wish that he will read it soon.

After that I turn around and let fate decide what must happen. Giving my back to the memories of the boy who I loved too much—and still do—, the one who hurt me so badly.

_**THE END**_

**There is it, Faith as I promised; I really hope that you like it. As you see some names were change but I needed to do it, so it will fit more to Twilight and all that. **

**Hope you like it my friends from good reads who were in this problem of Faith and if not, now you understand.**

**The playlist is:**

**- Never Alone by Barlow Girl**

**- A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton**

**- Breathe by Taylor Swift**

**- My Immortal by Evanescence**

**Thx Faith for giving me details when I needed them, I hope it will help you and I know a song that will perfectly suit you now: **

**Survivor by Destiny's Child: /watch?v=Ki97oF8LBFE** **(add you tube .com)**

**Plz review: they maintain an author healthy, I want to know if I did a good job, I liked it, I'm proud of it.**


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